Well-Known Member
Hello everyone,

Let me introduce myself, my names Santa, well, I’m really one of Santa’s little helpers. Each year a group of us are sent around the world to different countries (to do the ground work so to speak) for the “Big” Santa’s big night (Xmas Eve). We check out who has been good, confirm whose living where and basically make sure everything will run well on the night.

You must have at times wondered how Santa can get to every ones house on the one night, making sure all the little kiddies (and the big ones) get the presents they wished for, well that’s where we fit in. Remember that us Santa’s have special powers so we can appear and disappear at will, as we don’t want to be discovered doing our very important work. Xmas night is quite a logistical nightmare, but Santa always gets it right. Thanks to his little helpers.

This year along with some of my “Prop Daddle Toffs” or as you say in your language, mates; I was lucky enough to be selected to go to Australia, my first trip there. In our particular group, each one of us was given a different area of your country to visit. I was given a brief that would take me to some of your out of the way or remote places, as well as a few of your better known ones.

So as I settle back here in the North Pole in front of a lovely fire, I thought I would share with you some of what I saw. So with an open mind, join me on what was an amazing trip.

I started my work near the foothills of your Alpine region on the banks of a river called the Murray. There are a number of families that spend this time of year away from their homes and camp beside this rather impressive River.

The Murray River starts in a swampy area high in the Australian Alps where two creeks converge near a mount called Forest Hill, and ends after flowing into Lake Alexandrina at the Coorong SA. and then finally into the sea. It travels a distance of 2375 kilometres.

When I left for Australia, I was told of a number of places to look out for, and one place I was particularly looking forward to seeing was the Great Ocean Road, in a quaint little state called Victoria, I was very impressed. This particular road was first built between 1919 and 1932, In fact I’m reliably told that this road is the World’s largest War memorial dedicated to the men and women, who paid the ultimate sacrifice serving their country, in WW1. As I said previously, very impressive.

The next photo shows me at Lorne, a lovely little town situated right on the coast along the Great Ocean Road, where holiday makers enjoy a dip in the warm and tranquil waters of Australia’s Southern Ocean (Bass Straight). (Remember my home is the North Pole!) any waters without Icebergs, is to me bordering on warm or even tropical.

As I explored the area I had to visit this particular spot, as I was enthralled by the name. Now I’m not a Teddy (I’m a Santa) but I still had to as you Aussies say “check it out”. And what a view it had.

I next popped into a remote Lighthouse along the southern coast. We can’t forget those who are away from the mainstream of society, as they deserve to wake up to the magic of Xmas as well. Here we are at the Point Hicks Lighthouse at the place where your great country, or the mainland part anyway, was first sighted by a certain chap called Captain James Cook. (Actually it was one of his men, Zachariah Hicks who first sighted your mainland).

It was a very tall lighthouse which dwarfed me as I made my way around its base.

At times I found traversing your great country quite difficult, as it’s “SO BIG” My little legs found it difficult negotiating some parts of it.

Around Easter time I had been hard at it for some months, so I took some R & R by a lovely River in southern NSW. Here I tried to prepare myself for the next part of my journey. My good friend the Easter Bunny dropped by, paid his respects and then continued on with his rounds. Now you know why I’m this portly shape!

As summer slowly turned into Fall or as you Aussies call it, Autumn, the colours of the landscape was something I’ll remember for a long time. The colours of my homeland are white, with more white. Our national Flag is white; you probably have never seen it as a white flag against a white background just doesn’t stand out that much!

I was nearly trodden on this day as the colours of the fallen leaves matched my uniform, not that there was much I could do about it. Our OH&S representative suggested a fluro green or bright yellow Santa Suit for us to wear but what a kafuffle that would create!! A “Fluro” Santa, no way I say!

Well it came the time to leave the more civilised parts of your country and head into what you call “The Outback”. It was these less populated areas that I was specifically told to visit.

On my way I passed through the Flinders Ranges.

At a place called Woomera there were heaps of rockets and things but I was told to go even more remote.

These signs may not mean much to my fellow helpers back here in the North Pole, but if I was ever questioned about just how remote I actually went, and how hard I tried to do my job, I would explain to them just where these signs were!



Well-Known Member
The road ahead at times was rather daunting and can I say from my vantage point, it looked a very long way to nowhere!

As I entered some of your towns, the place names were done with a certain amount of flair. Here at home we have none of your extravagant signs, just a white sign with white lettering in front of a white background saying the name of the place where you are. Thinking about it now, no wonder so many of my country men and women get lost so often!!

The terrain at times was even more harsh and diverse than I could have ever imagined. From what you call Gibber Plains, to the red coloured sands of the Simpson Desert.

Now here is something I found quite amazing, from where I come from, we have quite a few rivers “WITH WATER IN THEM” You Aussies must have some sense of humour, I saw just sand in a lot of yours, in ours we have water “ALWAYS” and we throw in the occasional iceberg just to make it interesting. The Todd and Finke and many others similar to them, has made for some fun fire side chats back here in the North Pole. The other helpers who have arrived back from their own covert trips to various countries, took some convincing that there really were rivers of sand, with no water to be seen, “ANYWHERE”!!

In addition to you having rivers without water, there were many lakes that I made my way to that held no water either. Many in the inland, or Outback as you call it, were indeed lakes of salt only. This was indeed a very strange land.

Making my way across them it appeared just like my front yard at home, all icy snow, but it was really salt. Out in these arid and inhospitable places, I perspired profusely, for it was soooooo hot. I was definitely not dressed appropriately for this trip.

A number of homes that I called into were obviously abandoned and I made at the time a mental note, to definitely update our data base!! (And to tell the guy’s in dispatch, to design me some summer type Santa attire), if I was to be ever sent back to your country again.

This particular house had not been lived in for a number of years, and it was for this very reason that I was sent to your country.

Now these, which I thought were a pile of rather large boulders were in fact not that at all, but actually, “The Devils Marbles”. Now if that is the case, and these are indeed his marbles, then he is one very large person or as some of you might say, “bloke” and one I never want to come face to face with! So I was soon on my way again, quick smart!

There were quite a few scenic National Parks that I was told not to miss and although my time was limited, I popped into a few and made the most of their amenities, for there were a number of times, as I have previously said, I felt slightly over dressed. Oh for a pair of “Twatch Glitches” or bathers as you strangely call them, although the sight of a rather portly, slightly stocky figure in bathers is one I probably should not contemplate inflicting on you lovely folk.

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Well-Known Member
As I crisscrossed your great land, there were times I was nearly seen, for I’m not totally invisible all the time. Luckily this Termite mound was found in the nick of time as a car approached from the opposite direction; again my anonymity was saved at the very last moment.

And again while passing this rather large Boab Tree, I was nearly seen. It reminded me of my even more portly boss back home. Later I hoped my thoughts were not able to be traced, or otherwise next year I may have to look for alternative employment!

Throughout my journeys across your at times harsh land, I called into many obscure and remote reserves, again to make sure that those who ran or worked in these places, would not miss out on the magic and wonderment of Xmas.

The landforms in many of these places was quite spectacular, far different from the frozen “White” Arctic Tundras of my homeland. And that constant blue over head, which someone tried to tell me, was the sky, Ha you nearly had me there, for we know that the sky is white with a little bit of grey thrown in. Well it is in the North Pole anyway!

I dropped into Purnululu National Park to visit an area known as The Beehives.

After viewing these very impressive rock formations I decided to not stay long, as there was no way I wanted to come face to face with one of those bees; if that was the size of their hives!!

I’m reminding you all, of my brief when I left the North Pole. “We want you to travel the length and breadth of the vast continent known as Australia, even to the very heart of it if you have to”

Well here I am at the geographical centre of the Australian mainland, a place called Lambert’s Centre of Australia. If this doesn’t get me a nomination for the, “Santa’s Helper Who Went Far & Beyond His or Her Call of Duty” award, then nothing would!

At last, at last I found some snow. At times I had been a little homesick and for the vast majority of my time in your country, “VERY OVER DRESSED” but now I was in my element. Cold cold snow, how lovely and invigorating it was. All the families and good folk who live high in your so called high country, will now also have the joy and wonder of Xmas.

And so now with my job nearly done, I spent my last moments in your magnificent country, enjoying what for me was a few minutes playing like a little “Torpy Doo Tit”, or in your language, “I carried on like a Pork Chop” “had a ball”, or mucked about “havin a bonzer time”.

So now we are at the end of my report on my travels and escapades in your wonderful country.

Thank you to all who made my trip “Downunder” so memorable and in particular a couple who although they don’t know it, made my travels that much easier for at times I was able to hitch a lift with them. My little legs would not have been able to carry me to all the places I needed to go. So thank you and Merry Xmas Col (Big Col) and Jenny (Big Jenna)

And to all you other folk, I wish you all a very safe, happy and prosperous Xmas and New Year and that the sheer joy and wonderment of Xmas never leaves you. And may I remind you all that I believe you are all indeed blessed, for you live in one of the most spectacular and friendly countries on Earth, so smile, be appreciative and thank your lucky stars. So I say finally to you all;

“Fadge Botch Gritch Fraddle Blotno Twang” or in your own language; MERRY XMAS TO YOU ALL.

Santa’s Little Helper.




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Great write up & pics BIGCOL,
It's great that Santa wanted to share his adventures so others are able to also enjoy where he has been