Jokes

[Toyasaurus]

I may have hit the wrong button.

 

[Chatty]

I may have hit the wrong button.

Our you're showing early signs of Parkinson's

 

[Toyasaurus]

Just getting old.

 

[Swaggie]

Am I seeing double or triple????

Time to take your meds and have a lay down mate

 

[Bigfish1]

 

[red hilux]

 

[Rusty Panels]

This isn't a joke it's dead set serious.
My elderly 84yo mother in law of 40 years is the epitome of the mother in law from hell. Both my wife and myself have copped a lifetime of crap from this woman since we first met. Even my wife can't stand her.
To cut a long story short my mother in law AKA "The Hag" is suffering the effects of old age and dementia. Don't feel too sorry for the Hag because the nasty side still has it's wits about it. Anyway the Doctors have advised that she can no longer live by herself and needs to go into full time care. The Hag's house will need to be sold to pay for her to go into a home but my wife's brother is too worried about his inheritance and has decided to bring her home with him. The funny part is that they have always battled with each other as well. I'm sure that if someone was to examine her scalp they would find the tell tale 666 birthmark somewhere on her.
Anyway, the brother in law is beginning to regret his decision and has put the Hag's house up for sale. He called me a couple of weeks ago and said the Hag isn't happy about her present living quarters and want's to go home. He told her that going home isn't an option and that she would have to either stay with him or move in with us. Ha Ha Ha!

I told him she was welcome to come to my place on 2 strict conditions.

1. She must be packed into either an Urn or suitable Box.
2. She must be delivered on a Tuesday afternoon so that I can place the Urn or Box straight into the wheelie bin for collection on Wednesday.

 

[mikehzz]

We went through all that late 2019 with my mother in law. She's still in a home and has no clue who we are when we visit. There's no point in living if you loose your marbles, it's a ridiculous situation. My read on most of the inmates is that they are suffering from constant confusion and distress, a waking nightmare, unless they're doped to the eyeballs. My plan is a quick exit heart attack, hopefully not on the crapper like Elvis.

 

[Albynsw]

We went through all that late 2019 with my mother in law. She's still in a home and has no clue who we are when we visit. There's no point in living if you loose your marbles, it's a ridiculous situation. My read on most of the inmates is that they are suffering from constant confusion and distress, a waking nightmare, unless they're doped to the eyeballs. My plan is a quick exit heart attack, hopefully not on the crapper like Elvis.

Hopefully by then you have a Toyota Mike and you can at least die with dignity

We are heading in that direction with the Father in law, he is losing the plot fast and often doesn’t know where he is. You can see the vacant look in their eyes.
Better to just fall off the perch me thinks.

 

[discomatt]

We went through all that late 2019 with my mother in law. She's still in a home and has no clue who we are when we visit. There's no point in living if you loose your marbles, it's a ridiculous situation. My read on most of the inmates is that they are suffering from constant confusion and distress, a waking nightmare, unless they're doped to the eyeballs. My plan is a quick exit heart attack, hopefully not on the crapper like Elvis.

but these are the people that are so dear and precious we had to shut down a whole society to save remember, have some respect

 

[Bigfish1]

but these are the people that are so dear and precious we had to shut down a whole society to save remember, have some respect

They are just SOME of the people...

 

[Chatty]

My plan is a quick exit heart attack, hopefully not on the crapper like Elvis.

You might be in trouble there - you would be amazed how many blokes have a heart attack trying to push one out.

 

[mikehzz]

As coincidence would have it, that's how the father in law, her husband, went. Traumatic having to break into the bathroom when someone is overdue. Anyway, enough of that, soneone post a joke.

 

[typhoeus]

I plan to grow old disgracefully. If they put me in a nursing home, Im gonna walk around in my undies ( already practicing ) scratch my balls or fart loudly in company, talk to imaginary friends when i know they are listening, develop a maniacal laugh, and do it at odd times, make rude suggestions to the nice looking nurses, and pretend to not remember anything that happened the day before. I think ill have fun. . .

 

[Chatty]

I plan to grow old disgracefully. If they put me in a nursing home, Im gonna walk around in my undies ( already practicing ) scratch my balls or fart loudly in company, talk to imaginary friends when i know they are listening, develop a maniacal laugh, and do it at odd times, make rude suggestions to the nice looking nurses, and pretend to not remember anything that happened the day before. I think ill have fun. . .

Sorry mate, I'm having trouble here...
How would any of this differ from the way you behave now?

 

[typhoeus]

Sorry mate, I'm having trouble here...
How would any of this differ from the way you behave now?

You been spying on me?

 

[rogerazz]

No jokes ??? even though lots of Jokers coming out. Just keep an eye on the oldies so you can see where you will be one day.

 

[Chatty]

You been spying on me?

I told my wife the our phones were spying on us.
"Nonsense" she said. I laughed. She laughed. Siri laughed. Alexa laughed.

 

[Toyasaurus]

You asked for it.

 

[Chatty]

We've been getting a bit serious here, and I reckon that Trabant quality control qualifies in the joke category.