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Jokes

Discussion in 'Off Topic Discussion' started by x [Heels] x, Jun 8, 2008.

  1. hodgo

    hodgo Member

    An aussie ventriloquist was walking thru a small nz town when he spotted a farmer sitting on the front porch of his house
    He thinks, I'll have some fun with this guy
    He says "Hey mate,is it ok if I talk to the horse"
    the farmer snorts back "crazy aussie,be my guest, talk to the horse" rolling his eyes to the sky
    the ventriloquist says to the horse " hello horse, hows the farmer treating you?"
    the horse replies " great, I get a nice warm barn to sleep in, a big nose bag of oats everyday and a run thru the surf every week"
    The farmer is out of his seat speechless "mate I'm sorry if I was short with you, that is amazing that you can talk to animals
    the aussie says " no worries, can I talk to the dog"
    "of course you can " he says," wait til the guys at the pub hear about this" he says excitedly
    the aussie says "hello dog hows the farmer treating you"
    the dog says" I get to round up sheep all day, I get a lift home on the back of the farmbike when I'm tired and get doggiebix and pal for dinner"
    "Unbelievable " says the farmer
    "can I talk to the sheep" says the aussie
    the farmer is out of his chair with a look of alarm "the sheep's a liar" he says
     
  2. monbeg

    monbeg Active Member

    After the honeymoon, Tom was welding some stuff in the garage for fun.

    His new wife was standing there by the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally said: "Honey, I've just been thinking; now that we are married, maybe you don't need to spend so much of your time out here in your garage and could consider selling some of your machinery and stuff…like your gun collection, fishing gear, boat, and lose all those stupid model airplanes. And sell that vintage hot rod sports car, and dump that home brewing kit”…Tom got a horrified look on his face and silently stared at her.. She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"

    He replied, “Nothing…but for a minute there, you were starting to sound like my ex-wife.”

    "Ex-wife!?" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!”

    Tom replied, “I wasn’t…."
     
  3. dno67

    dno67 Well-Known Member

  4. red hilux

    red hilux Well-Known Member

    Those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, can you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together?
    Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack. I have to brake hard down to 40, toss my scotch mixer, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat. All while trying to put my clothes back on.
    It's just too much drama, even for Christmas.

    Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.
    Hope you got a giggle mate
     
  5. dno67

    dno67 Well-Known Member

    Screenshot_2018-12-01-10-08-29-1.png ldeal Christmas pressy ?
     
    WildtrakRudy likes this.
  6. Les PK Ranger

    Les PK Ranger 4x4 Earth Contributer

    Strewth, how do they use that then . . . no, wait, don't tell me ! :/
     
  7. greysrigging

    greysrigging Well-Known Member

  8. greysrigging

    greysrigging Well-Known Member

  9. red hilux

    red hilux Well-Known Member

    7A37DCE8-4458-4094-8AD5-D0E21757CEEB.jpeg

    Like many people last weekend. We finally got our Xmas tree up


    Mods. Please delete if this is too rude
     
    Blue_haired_man and Bomber2012 like this.
  10. dno67

    dno67 Well-Known Member

  11. CruisingSned

    CruisingSned Active Member

    Being from an electrical/H.V background this made me smile.
    [​IMG]
     
  12. itlldoo

    itlldoo Well-Known Member

    thank god for safety boots with rubber soles lol.....
     
  13. Blue_haired_man

    Blue_haired_man Well-Known Member

  14. Bomber2012

    Bomber2012 Well-Known Member

  15. red hilux

    red hilux Well-Known Member

  16. red hilux

    red hilux Well-Known Member

  17. greysrigging

    greysrigging Well-Known Member

  18. greysrigging

    greysrigging Well-Known Member

  19. WildtrakRudy

    WildtrakRudy Active Member

  20. red hilux

    red hilux Well-Known Member

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