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LurchWA

LurchWA

Active Member
A good mate of mine topped himself the other day, grew up with him, played footy together, not a best mate but we knew each other well, mixed in the same circles, a bloody nice bloke.
Even his best mates had no idea of the obvious (now) depression he was in after a recent marriage break up and generally shitty time he was having for a couple of months.
Never gave anything away and always happy and jovial to everyone.
One of his sons & sister in law found him and he probably wouldn't have wanted that but once the plug is pulled the control is gone, his son has been under sedation in hospital for a few days now
I am not a preacher, not a judge and definitely not a saint but reckon if your that low that the only way out you see is by flicking the switch, then at least show some respect to those that might find you and try to put some distance between you and your loved ones, though that said, some body's day will be ruined.
If you feel that way inclined, do yourself and family a favour and top yourself some place far from home or at least TRY to talk to some one.
I have forgotten the point I was trying to make.
 
Traveller

Traveller

Well-Known Member
Might be how I read it, but this bit here really disturbs (and saddens) me for some reason;
I am not a preacher, not a judge and definitely not a saint but reckon if your that low that the only way out you see is by flicking the switch, then at least show some respect to those that might find you and try to put some distance between you and your loved ones, though that said, some body's day will be ruined.
If you feel that way inclined, do yourself and family a favour and top yourself some place far from home or at least TRY to talk to some one.
I have forgotten the point I was trying to make.
 
8

89gqpatrol4x4

Active Member
Mate couldn't agree more! I think it is very selfish, especially if your family had to find you and if you have young children! There are ways and means of dealing with issues and topping yourself creats way more problems than it solves.

Should have quoted original post.
 
8

89gqpatrol4x4

Active Member
Aaron Schubert said:
Depression is a terrible thing. I'm sure if you are in a place where you feel taking your life is the only option the last thing on your mind is going to be what other people will have to deal with.

It's a big issue, and its easy to make comments without fully understanding what goes on.

Aaron
Click to expand...
It is and I have had first hand experience with it but that still doesn't change my opinion.
 
Lovey

Lovey

Active Member
Sorry Lurch.
A mate of mine sadly took his own life a few years ago. The 'black dog' had that strong of a hold on him that he thought that because of his moods and behaviour, that his family would be better off without him. In his thoughts, as irrational as they might seem to everyone else, he thought he was doing them a favour by leaving them, and that was the only way that he knew how.
As already posted, when you take you own life, your suffering stops and others begins.
 
Albynsw

Albynsw

Well-Known Member
89gqpatrol4x4 said:
Mate couldn't agree more! I think it is very selfish, especially if your family had to find you and if you have young children! There are ways and means of dealing with issues and topping yourself creats way more problems than it solves.

Should have quoted original post.
Click to expand...

I used to share the same view as you but have now come to the realisation that when you are in that state of mind you do not view things that way and probably think you are doing them a favour
If you don't think you are worthy to continue to live you are not going to think you will be valued by others

Very sad situation and a lot of hurt is left behind for others to deal with
 
typhoeus

typhoeus

Well-Known Member
I think, rightly or wrong that anyone who tops himself in a way that his family finds him is angry somehow with that family, and wants to punish them. When I've been low, because of things ive done that's stupid, Ive considered it,( not too seriously) but I would just disappear, and not want to hurt my family.. . but then maybe I have'nt been low enough. . .
 
cam04

cam04

Well-Known Member
Albynsw said:
I used to share the same view as you but have now come to the realisation that when you are in that state of mind you do not view things that way and probably think you are doing them a favour
If you don't think you are worthy to continue to live you are not going to think you will be valued by others

Very sad situation and a lot of hurt is left behind for others to deal with
Click to expand...
Precisely. They usually think they are doing the best by everyone. That's why it's called mental illness. Not a difficult concept to grasp, especially to those who see it up close.
 
Blue_haired_man

Blue_haired_man

Well-Known Member
First of all condolences to lurch.
To the other few who call people selfish for checking out.
Is it an extremely tough situation, yes.
Is there other ways it can be dealt with, yes. Does people sitting on their computers talking about how they are selfish and inconsiderate or perhaps the most odd comment I've ever read on the subject, hold malice towards family? help,DEFINITELY NOT and just shows a huge lack of understanding and compassion of the matter.
Walk a mile in someone's else's shoes before you pass judgement and be grateful that depression of this scale has never had a hold on you because trust me it's a bloody shitty place to be.
 
rogerazz

rogerazz

4x4 Earth Contributer
Sadly, the number of people who call it a day are many, around ten a day in Australia. Over the years, within an area of two hundred meters from my place three young blokes have taken their lives. One in his thirties, the other two in their twenties. A fourth young bloke tried and survived.
I personally new the three that died, all these young blokes suffered a loss, felt their lives were worthless and could not see a way forward. One young fella only twenty three, even took his father to the local footy, bought pizzas for tea. then went down stairs and ended it all.
Fred, his dad was a giant of a man, picked me up in his arms while crying and said "Rog, I never told him I loved him".
I don't believe any of them did it out of anger, or to get back at anyone.
If you know of anyone who has suffered a loss, especially of a loved one, or experienced a family breakdown, stay close to them and show them you are a good friend to lean on.
 
Alien d2

Alien d2

4x4 Earth Contributer
Our condolence to the family, Lurch, friends and local community of the gentleman(out of respect I'd like to add his name here).
There will be a lot of confusion and anger amongst those who knew him.
Don't let it get in the way of remembering and showing respect to this person, celebrate his life and remember him fondly, allow him to Rest In Peace.

Getting used to the idea of him not being around can take long time.
It's took me many angry years to reach the point of realising the selfishness was not in those concerned taking their life but of me wanting them around given the torment daily life was dibilitating them with.
Albynsw has got to the same point as me and expressed it well...
Albynsw said:
I used to share the same view as you but have now come to the realisation that when you are in that state of mind you do not view things that way and probably think you are doing them a favour
If you don't think you are worthy to continue to live you are not going to think you will be valued by others

Very sad situation and a lot of hurt is left behind for others to deal with
Click to expand...
We have lost our eldest son , Anthony to this debilitating illness in 2001 at 19 when he decided living was not for him.
His uncle Ray, who was my best mate and BIL had done the same a few years earlier after relationship issues got to much.
His father Colin(my FIL), Anthony's granddad had "showed them the way" 4 years earlier.
In all 3 situations what looked like a calming peace had entered thier lives, it was far from it for the rest of us.
Slowly they sorted things out and finished started projects, particularly for family.
They then suicided leaving the rest of us to pick up the pieces.
The reality was they had finally reached the point of no return and accepted in thier own minds the best way was to not be around.
While I still don't think suicide is the answer I know all 3 are at piece now and remembered for who they where and missed daily.
They have my respect for trying to minimilise the impact of their actions on others.
(To often we here of innocent train/truck drivers being involved)
I also have great respect for the emergency services personal who deal with this regularly.

For anyone struggling in life and contemplating doing a similar thing help is being offered.
The reaction of the many post shows how much you would be missed.
Reach out and ring 13 11 14, https://www.lifeline.org.au/

Cheers, Kyle.
 
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Spooner

Spooner

Well-Known Member
Very sorry for your loss Lurch ,
Its a feeling of helplessness , I too have lost 2 mates in the last 5 years ,
One because he couldn't live without his wife who died of cancer , 2 years later on her birthday he joined her.
The other survived Black Saturday and was never the same.
 
Traveller

Traveller

Well-Known Member
Perhaps I should clarify why I found it disturbing and saddening- It was because I felt the post was more about 'how dare you top yourself
where a loved one might find you' rather than how it is so fucking shithouse that a bloke got to the the stage where he thought the world
was a better place without him. Yes, for those left to pick up the pieces it may feel like a selfish act, but as Kyle and Alby said - it gets to the
stage where the thought can be -the world is a better place without me, I'm trying to do everyone a favour by checking out.
Perhaps blue haired man said what I meant better;
"Is there other ways it can be dealt with, yes. Does people sitting on their computers talking about how they are selfish and inconsiderate or perhaps the most odd comment I've ever read on the subject, hold malice towards family? help,DEFINITELY NOT and just shows a huge lack of understanding and compassion of the matter.
Walk a mile in someone's else's shoes before you pass judgement and be grateful that depression of this scale has never had a hold on you because trust me it's a bloody shitty place to be."
 
Spooner

Spooner

Well-Known Member
Traveller said:
Walk a mile in someone's else's shoes before you pass judgement and be grateful that depression of this scale has never had a hold on you because trust me it's a bloody shitty place to be.
Click to expand...
Amen to that .
RIP Agent Orange
Agent Orange.jpeg
 
80lover96gxl

80lover96gxl

Moderator
We lost a member from here a couple yrs ago after the blackdog got the better of him. Some of you may or may not remember lambo ( SA folk will recall him ). We hold a night run now in his memory as that was the last earth trip he did with us ( border track night run ). We feel it's the best way to remember our 4wdn mate who sucummbed to mental illness.
He never gave any indication of his troubles and always had a smile. Some people hide their issues very well and are to proud, or ashamed ( or stubborn ) to ask for help thinking they can get thru the tough patch, but sadly many don't.
 
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