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Jokes

Discussion in 'Off Topic Discussion' started by x [Heels] x, Jun 8, 2008.

  1. 03hilux

    03hilux 4x4 Earth Contributer

  2. 03hilux

    03hilux 4x4 Earth Contributer

  3. 80lover96gxl

    80lover96gxl Moderator

  4. rogerazz

    rogerazz 4x4 Earth Contributer

  5. Hylux

    Hylux Member

  6. rogerazz

    rogerazz 4x4 Earth Contributer

    “Hello there - is this Gordon's Pizza?”
    “No, sir - it's Google’s Pizza.”
    “I must have dialled a wrong number. Sorry.”

    “No, sir, this is the correct number. Google bought Gordon's Pizza last month.”

    “Oh! Okay then - I would like to order a pizza.”

    “Do you want your usual, sir?”

    “My usual? You know me?”

    “According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meat balls on a thick crust.*

    “Right! That's just what I want.”

    “May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat, gluten-free, thin crust?”

    “What? I detest vegetables!”

    “Your cholesterol is not good, sir.”

    “How the hell do you know that?”

    “Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.”

    “Okay, okay – but I don’t want your awful vegetable pizza - I already take medication for my cholesterol.”

    “Excuse me, sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug sale Network, 4 months ago.”

    “I bought more from another drugstore.”

    “That doesn't show on your credit card statement.”

    “I paid in cash.”

    “But you did not withdraw enough cash, according to your bank statement.”

    “I have other sources of cash.”

    “That doesn't show on your last tax return, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.”

    “WHAT THE HELL? ! ! ! !”

    “I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.”

    “Enough! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others!! I'm going to an island without the Internet, without cable TV – some place where there is no cell phone service and no one to spy on me!!”

    “I understand, sir. But do you know that you need to renew your passport first? It expired 6 weeks ago.”
     
  7. smitty_r51

    smitty_r51 Well-Known Member

    if only it was a joke!
     
  8. MyCrazy80

    MyCrazy80 Well-Known Member

  9. Blue_haired_man

    Blue_haired_man Well-Known Member

    A cattle station owner had sent one of his employees into town to get supplies, and also some badly needed fencing wire.
    All loaded up, the young employee headed out of town and back to the station.

    The manager was carrying on with the job at hand, when his phone rang.
    He answered,,,,,,,,, it was the young fella on his way back.

    Hello said the manager,,,,,,,
    Young fella says, "Hey boss,,, I just hit a pig,, what should I do ?"

    Manager: Is the ute damaged ?

    Young fella: Only a bent mudguard boss.

    Manager: Well why are you ringing me,,, get on your way back to the station.

    Young fella: Well,,,,,,,,,, its a bit of a problem cos the pig is stuck under the ute,,,,,, and he aint dead,,,,,,, he's snarling and I'm frightened of him.

    Manager: Is the .308 in behind the seats ?

    Young fella: Yes boss,,, it's there.

    Manager: Well stop being stupid,,,,, get it out and shoot the bloody thing.

    After a while the manager heard a shot, and then the young fella comes back on the phone.

    Young fella: Alright boss,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I shot him,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, but what should I do with his motorbike ???
     
  10. MyCrazy80

    MyCrazy80 Well-Known Member

  11. 80lover96gxl

    80lover96gxl Moderator

  12. Albynsw

    Albynsw Well-Known Member

  13. Bomber2012

    Bomber2012 Well-Known Member

  14. discomatt

    discomatt Well-Known Member

    But the real question is ...
    Is it bad debt or good debt?
    Saw a trick one down at the local shops the other day that must have been a $150,000 build and I must say it made me a little envious...
     
    mikehzz and Albynsw like this.
  15. MyCrazy80

    MyCrazy80 Well-Known Member

  16. mikehzz

    mikehzz Well-Known Member

    A guy in my 4wd club has one with chassis extension, rear axle widened, portal axles, 6 speed auto, bigger exhaust, diesel chip and 35" tyres about to become 37". I don't know what all that adds up to.... :)
     
  17. discomatt

    discomatt Well-Known Member

    ...A 4by that is not as comfortable, quiet, economical or capable as my new D4 but more than twice the price :p
     
    callmejoe likes this.
  18. Bomber2012

    Bomber2012 Well-Known Member

    Not really a joke , it does look pretty cool :D
    fullsizeoutput_b39.jpeg
     
    dno67, slivertoy and Mr Rum like this.

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