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Jokes

Discussion in 'Off Topic Discussion' started by x [Heels] x, Jun 8, 2008.

  1. 80lover96gxl

    80lover96gxl Moderator

  2. 80lover96gxl

    80lover96gxl Moderator

  3. Bomber2012

    Bomber2012 Well-Known Member

  4. MyCrazy80

    MyCrazy80 Well-Known Member

    Especially since the USA never agreed to or signed the "NFU" policy (no first use) and with Donald Trump in charge there is the possibility for that to occur.
     
    tankbloke likes this.
  5. mikehzz

    mikehzz Well-Known Member

    The son of a native American chief asked his father "Wise father, how is it that children get their names in our tribe?" He replied "It is a tradition handed down through the generations, where the father looks out from the birthing teepee when the child is born, and the first thing he sees of note, such as Running Bear, Soaring Eagle, is chosen as the child's name. Why do you ask Two Dogs F@#king?"
     
  6. dno67

    dno67 Well-Known Member

    What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
    An Australian man will actually search for a golf ball.
     
    80lover96gxl and barcher like this.
  7. dno67

    dno67 Well-Known Member

    Sheila was in a coma. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath.
    One of them was washing her private area, and noticed that there was a response on the monitor,when she touched her. They went to her husband Bruce and explained what happened, telling him,"Crazy as this sounds maybe a little oral sex, will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
    Bruce was skeptical, but they assured him, that they'd close the curtains for privacy. He finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
    After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses ran into the room. "What happened?" Bruce replied, "I guess she choked."
     
  8. Blue_haired_man

    Blue_haired_man Well-Known Member

    Two women were playing golf. One teed off
    Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

    The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

    'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,' she told him.

    'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hand at his groin.

    At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his trousers and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'? 'Feels great,' he replied; 'but I still think my thumb's broken!
     
    80lover96gxl likes this.
  9. dno67

    dno67 Well-Known Member

    Two Aussie priests are in a bathroom using the urinals.
    One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a Nicorette patch on it. He laughs and says,'I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis.' The other one replies, 'It's working just fine. I'm down to two butts a day.'
     
    tankbloke, MyCrazy80, Albynsw and 2 others like this.
  10. 80lover96gxl

    80lover96gxl Moderator

    3 blokes, a 60 , 70 and 80 yr olds were at their local pub discussing the frustrations of older age over a few beers.

    The 60 yr old goes on to say, the difficulties im having lately just trying to take a piss, burning sensations and bladder infections are becoming really annoying.

    The 70 yr old pipes up and say's, iv been having alot of trouble trying to take a crap. Always constipated and burning ring of fire seem to plague me constantly.

    The 80 yr old then replies with, well i take a piss at 6am and a crap at 7am everyday. The other 2 nearly choking on the beers say, well you've got nothing to complain about have you, the 80yr old smirks at them both and say's, the nurses at the old age home don't seem overly joyed by my regularity as i don't wake up till 8pm.
     
  11. Bomber2012

    Bomber2012 Well-Known Member

    can't see it Dave ?
     
  12. typhoeus

    typhoeus Well-Known Member

    landy leakin.JPG
    there ya go, can see it now
     
    Mr Rum, barcher, Chatty and 5 others like this.
  13. dno67

    dno67 Well-Known Member

  14. Bomber2012

    Bomber2012 Well-Known Member

    80lover96gxl likes this.
  15. smitty_r51

    smitty_r51 Well-Known Member

    I wish it wasn't!
     
    Bomber2012 likes this.
  16. Chatty

    Chatty Well-Known Member

    Thanks mate - just couldn't get it to appear...
     
  17. Bomber2012

    Bomber2012 Well-Known Member

  18. barcher

    barcher Well-Known Member

  19. slivertoy

    slivertoy Well-Known Member

    [​IMG]
    I think i have used all of these and plenty more...anyone got any others?
     
    tankbloke and barcher like this.
  20. Bomber2012

    Bomber2012 Well-Known Member

    full as a fool
    full as a goog
     

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